dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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