We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
