I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
