I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
