I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
