just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
