I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
