How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh god the rape fog is back!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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