Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Life is so much better after having sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
