Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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