3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
