some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
