OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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