I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize