Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
