so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
