I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize