So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
PANTIES FOUND
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
