Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think your dad took our porno
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
