The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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