And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
