I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
