Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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