pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
