moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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