apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
