i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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