I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
