i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So vagazzling was a success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
