So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
