I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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