I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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