They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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