You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
