My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
