why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
