My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
