Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
