I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
