Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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