Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
