shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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