Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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