im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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