well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
