dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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