After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
