i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I puked a lego.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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