I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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