he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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