Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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