Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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