now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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