I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
