she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
