We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
