and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
