he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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