last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize