I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
