So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
