i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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