My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize