im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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