I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
