I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
