Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
