who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
