You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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