If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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