we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize