i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize