I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
