I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
