Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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