Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
