I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize