I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
