the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
