college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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