So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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