i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
