I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
