saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
