I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
