and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
