***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
