Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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