Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FUCK WHALES
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
