Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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