yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
