i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
