I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
