My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think my moral compass just broke
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