My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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