I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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