took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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