plz talk dirty to me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
