But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
