Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
