You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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