when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
